More and more people these days are finding love online be it due to time constraints, unsociable working hours or simply the death of the community, but one thing is for sure, this is the fastest growing way to meet potential partners, however it has it's pitfalls. Whilst online dating agencies may offer a quick way to meeting these partners, Instant Messaging using programs such as ICQ, MSN, or Odigo offer a lightning speed way of getting very intimate, very quickly. It is so quick because you can be just who you want to be when you are chatting online, no one will see you blush if you say something wrong and most importantly, it allows you to take risks that you would never dream of taking in the real world. The most powerful aspect of this all though is that we paint our own picture in our minds of what the other person is without all those non-verbal cues such as facial expressions and mannerisms that subconsciously in the real world tell us valuable things about the person. In short, with our own beautifully created perception of the person, fall for them. So why do we as intelligent human beings end up falling for people we have never even met before? The answer is simplewe want to be in love, we so want to tell ourselves that the searching for our soul mate is over and with that we picture our lives in a blissful sea of coupledom, sharing our lives together. Sadly it is this haste to end our single lives that can lead to disappointment as quickly as it started.

Meeting Your online love for the first time

Sooner or later the question of actually meeting in person will come up and whilst many people would say it's better to take your time and let the online relationship develop, I strongly believe that the sooner you do it, the better. If you leave it too long, then the impression you have built up of this person will be so deep rooted that your expectations will be far too high and you will be set for disappointment. The other point is if you have been a lot more confident chatting than you would be in real life, how are you going to be able to keep up that persona? You may end up competing with yourself. So assuming that you are both happy with the length of time the romance has been going on for and you decide to meet, what will it be like? It will be quite strange to begin with. You may find that although you have been up most nights until 5 in the morning chatting, you find it hard to talk about things in the flesh. This is perfectly natural as the two of you are having to almost re-learn the parameters of the relationship and digest the visual cues that our mannerisms and facial expressions provide. It will be a nerve racking time as we have to decide there and then if these mannerisms and even physical odours are compatible with us. If you can pass that first test, then things get a lot easier. Do however be very careful if you are traveling abroad to meet someone because if things fail at this first hurdle, then you are totally stuck on your own in a foreign country.

Passed first base, what next?

Having gone through this initial nerve racking first meeting, there is often a huge temptation to revert back to an 'online relationship' as it feels so much more comfortable, but I cannot stress enough to resist that temptation. Slip back into the old online chatting routine and the online persona won't die. The transition from online to offline relationship can be extremely difficult but at all costs, you must get to know the real person from a new offline perspective and kill off any false impressions you may have had about them online. Going back to the online chatting routine may make you feel all warm and fuzzy again, but it can be an unrealistic perception of who the person really is.

In Summary

This all may seem a little negative and in some cases may not even apply, but overall, forewarned is forearmed. There are of course many people who have made a success of their relationship by Instant Messaging and some are even married now but it really pays to be aware of how feelings can be distorted by the shield of an anonymous nickname and a computer monitor.

New to Online Dating? Trying to find the man or woman of your dreams through the Virtual World? You need to have a Good Personal Ad or Dating Profile

Some people don't believe me when I tell them that most problems with not enough Responses to your Ad can be fixed just by writing a better Ad. And then I often take them, real-time, to an Online Dating Site. I randomly start reading out profiles, and they cannot believe that so many people write such terrible ads! Maybe it is this overvalued notion of spontaneity, of writing whatever comes to your mind, letting it flow, being you - which leads you to write gibberish in your ads. Say goodbye to any success in Online Dating with that. Think what would happen if NASA Engineers became spontaneous.

So stop your Dating shuttle from crashing and read these examples of common Mistakes in Dating Profiles. Have a laugh, but be careful, your own profile may have bugs too! (All examples are real)

.."I am a funny, witty person...."

Funny and witty people never write that directly. Instead of saying this, add a touch of humor to your profile.

.."I was just bored, so wrote my profile here..."

A negative attitude. Instead, say, "I am new to this..."

..."I am an Honest, Spontaneous, Creative, Intelligent (..other personal adjectives) ...person."

Very few people think they are not, so this is very subjective (same as the fact that 80% people believe that they have an IQ above average!). Even if true, it is redundant information at best. Avoid using personal adjectives in your Ad or Profile.

Define yourself concretely-better to say I am a Guitar player in a Band or I write Novels or I am a practising Doctor than I am Creative or Intelligent.

..."I want a guy who can make me laugh..."

Comes across as negative-you sound slightly depressed if you need someone just to make you laugh. Theres plenty of stuff on the TV to make you laugh, and you are not looking for a joker, you are looking for a boyfriend, a mate...remember?

..."I like dark haired men, but if you are blond and good-looking, write me anyway, maybe you can change my mind...."

Turn-off to blond men. Make up your mind, if you are looking for only dark haired men, just say that. Dont play both sides of the coin, generally backfires. Better not to say anything if you are not sure.

..."I like taking walks by the ocean, or watching TV, or going camping with my friends..."

Unimportant details. Most people like these things, and these are hardly important details in finding a partner (it is unlikely you wont like going out with someone just because they dont like walking the beach or watching TV with you) . Your hobbies is where you put these things, and more specifically-e.g. Camping, or Watching Basketball.

..."I am sexy, flirtatious,... I like kisses on my back, full body massages from my boyfriend/girlfriend..."

Generally speaking, keep the sexual innuendos out. You will have plenty of time to exchange many raunchy emails if you are addicted to writing sexual stuff... but in the first impression, keep it out. Think about it this way-would you say this to a guy or a girl in a bar who you meet for the first time? If not, then dont say it in your Ad either.

..."I am looking for a REAL man/woman, with all the letters of REAL..."

Everyone is real. Basically, dont worry, sounds like you have had some bad experiences in relationships, but thats over now. Come with a positive attitude to Online Dating, and just meet the people. Then when you email them and meet them in person, you can decide if they are real or not.

..."I am not interested in guys who are bitter and boring..."

No one is. Use the Ad mostly to tell what you like, not what you dont like. Agreeability is a must have in first introductions.

When we have been in relationships for a while the romance seems to dwindle and both parties in the relationship think that the other should be more romantic. You read so often that the man should be the romantic one, and maybe 50 years ago this would have been so but this is no longer the case. Think back to when you first met. The first dates, wining an dining, making an effort to look your best, breakfast in bed, long weekends having frantic sex. Don?t you wish it was the same? Well I bet your partner also does. Instead of waiting for him to make the first move (after all we know how slow men are. No offence guys) YOU take the lead and add a bit of romance into your relationship.

Here are ten ways to show off your romantic side.

1. Pick up the phone: Give him a ring while he is at the office just to let him know that you are thinking of him. Or if you are confident with phone sex tell him what you are going to do to him once he gets home and in turn what you would like him to do to you.

2. Fill the stocking: Men love sexy lingerie just as much as women if not more. Let him know how much you want him by getting out your best knickers, team them with a pair of fishnets, stilettos and seduce him tonight.

3. Feed his heart: You know the old saying "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach!" Well you better believe it because it works every time. Get out the best china, set the table with candles, put on some soft music and prepare his favorite meal. You won?t even need to think of dessert because this is where he will become romantic and sweep you of to the bedroom.

4. Flirt: When was the last time you actually flirted with your partner? Go out in public (to dinner, to a party or nightclub) and try it. It will boost both your egos and bring back those old feelings of lust for one another. Think like a single person and see what happens.

5. Bedroom boudoir: Set the mood in your bedroom. Clear out all the clutter, change the bed linen (bring in some silk sheets perhaps) and fill the room with scented candles. Stand a bottle of your favorite bubbly in some ice, lay your sexiest lingerie on the bed and keep a box of his favorite chocolates near by. This is also an inexpensive way to give your bedroom a new look.

6. Use toys: If you want to add some spice to your love making then what better way than to introduce some props. We are not talking about 12" dildos (unless you want to, that is) it can be something as small as a silk scarf or as daring as vibrators. Your man will need never be asked to make an effort again.

7. Watch a flick: Rent a romantic movie, order a take away, get out a bottle of your favorite wine, take the phone of the hook turn out the lights and snuggle into each other on the sofa in front of the TV. The romantic flick will soon have the two of you in the mood for love.

8. Love letters: Leave him little notes in his pocket, on his pillow, next to his mother anywhere that he will find them that will give him a nice surprise.

9. Kiss him all over his body? slowly

10. 3 little words: Tell him that you love him at least once a day. This will keep the love there even if you haven?t always got time to express it, those 3 little words is all that you need.

A lot of people are still virgins when it comes to kissing. A lot of people can kiss but don't know how to kiss properly. Here are the basics to kissing. Once you have mastered kissing then you can try other styles and techniques of kissing.

1. Hygiene - The last thing anyone wants is to be kissed by someone who has yellow teeth or bad breath. Brush your teeth twice a day and floss to get in-between the gaps. Your partner will love to be kissed by you if your moth is clean and fresh.

2. Get into a comfortable position - You don't want to have to stop a few seconds into kissing because your back is twisted. Sitting comfortable means no back pain and longer kissing.

3. Embrace your partner - But don't squeeze him/her. Cuddling each other so that your faces are touching is perfect. You could cup your partners face gently in your hands.

4. Move your faces closer - Don't bump noses. Both of you must tilt your head slightly to the side so that your nose is touching the side of the other's nose.

5. Kiss your partners lips gentle - Closed lips kissing to start with. Close your eyes and let the warmth of each others lips take over your senses.

6. Get comfortable with simple closed lip - Lip-to-lip kissing before going anywhere else.

7. Lightly brush your tongue across your partners lips - This will entice him/her to open their mouth.

8. Now both of your mouths should be open - Now it is up to you. Move your mouths in time with each other opening them and slightly closing them in rhythm with one another.

9. Whatever you do, don't bite.

10. Continue kissing - Until you are comfortable with each other's lips.

11. You could of course use a mirror - Which may be a lot easier and a lot less scary then kissing someone for the first time when you don't know how to kiss.

There seems to be a new phenomenon of late whereby a first date seems to go extremely well and may well lead on to a second date and then all of a sudden it's over. Why would this happen when everything seemed so right? The chemistry was there, shared interests and the kissing was good too so what happened? I wish I had an answer to this one as it has happened to me a couple of times and each time it has left me pondering how many different variables are involved in making a successful relationship. I do however have some theories that may at least ease the pain of the rejection.

Firstly, people are complicated when it comes to issues of the heart and to the most part we have spent many years cultivating in our heads just what our ideal partner would be. These expectations we have of people can put an enormous strain on a forming relationship and it is important to give people a little leeway. Understandably, people do make allowances for failed expectations however the truth is that a little too much wine can lower our expectations a little too much and make us act in a way that is not true to our real feelings. It's only when the date is over and the effects of alcohol subside do we realize that the person really isn't suitable at all.

Secondly, most people have some sort of emotional baggage whether that takes the form of an unresolved previous relationship or emotional fear of becoming attached again. I have often wished that people could be more up front about any concerns like this but often they are not and unfortunately, people find it easier to lie themselves out of a difficult emotional situation.

Thirdly, an old boyfriend or girlfriend wants them back and your date was in a sense using you to see if they are up to starting another relationship or not. This situation is probably the worst as you will find it extremely difficult to compete with someone your date has history with. On old partner will not require all the time and effort involved in starting again and represents a comfortable way out of the dating scene.

Finally, and possibly the most difficult to swallow is that perhaps you were just too keen and got a little carried away. It's such a hard balancing act to do, knowing when the time is right to open up your emotions to someone and yet be sure that you're not making yourself too vulnerable. It's even harder when all the signals are telling you that it's ok to be swept away, especially if the date has taken on quite an intimate nature.

So what can you do now? The most sensible thing you can do is to reflect on what has happened and file it away in your experience drawer in the safe knowledge that you are that much wiser on the dating scene. Take it slower next time and don't be too quick to allow yourself to fall. Be sure the signs are right and trust your instincts. If there is a niggling doubt in your mind about something, generally there is something wrong and it's only the ecstasy of falling in love that is preventing you from facing it.